My Default Moods

Default Moods

I’ve been really unwell with tonsillitis for the past 10 days. I’ve noticed that when my body suffers my mind does too.
I definitely felt depressed, lethargic and unmotivated. I stopped writing and lost confidence in why I should keep writing.

I’ve been on an antidepressant for a couple of years now. All I can say is that it the combination of regular exercise and the antidepressant really work wonders for me. I put off trying them for so long I out of fear and stigma, but man I wish I’d been on them a whole lot sooner, the effect when they kicked in was profound. I was really amazed at myself when I started to joke around and laugh at things. I could hug my children when for so long all I’d wanted to do was push them away. It sounds terrible but I used to force myself to embrace them, and after antidepressants, it came naturally.
The way I like to describe it is; before the antidepressant, my default mood was anxious, irritable and angry. I felt like I had an assignment overdue to hand in. When the antidepressant kicked in my default mood switched to calm, with a glimmer of hope and happiness.

I have noticed that when I drink the effect of the antidepressant must get cancelled out because my default mood switches back to anxious and angry.
Even the buzz from a good workout will only last an hour or so. With one month sober (apart from being unwell) I’ve noticed the happy mood reappearing.
I recently started CrossFit I get up at 4.50am 3 times a week, which means I can get home in time to get the kids up and get on with the day. Wow, the world is a better place when I’m buzzed after a great workout. Excercise first thing in the AM burns off my anxious energy, and I feel like I can see the wood for the trees, in fact, don’t really need to feel worried about anything.

It’s interesting how easy it is to pick up a drink to make myself feel better, and yet the consequences are harmful. But it’s so bloody hard dragging myself out of bed at 450am in the freezing winter, and yet the benefits are tremendous.
Sometimes the easy route is not always the best route.

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